Ebbing and Flowing

Perhaps the most frustrating part of writing, for me, is the stop and go nature of it.

Inspiration comes and goes. I have had lightening bolts of clarity about a story, character, or message while showering, sleeping, grocery shopping. Often while I'm immersed in other stories (reading, movies, even social media). I've tried to get better at capturing inspiration. Google Keep on my phone. A waterproof notepad in my shower. 60 open tabs in my browser (insert shame faced emoji :/). But I know I often lose it. Conjuring inspiration is more difficult. I've been trying to have the discipline to put myself in inspirational places until words or ideas come. I'm not great at it.

More challenging than inspiration though, is time. It's the eternal complaint of anyone with a clock stuck to their body, whether on their wrist or on the phone in their pocket. When I first stopped working, I was amazed at the abundance of time I suddenly had. I had a toddling baby, who climbed all over me, sure, but I had this story in my mind and I wrote all the time while he was napping or otherwise taken care of. Editing is more challenging. Larger chunks of scheduled time are more useful to me now, so I have enough mental space for my brain to unwind, gear up, and get productive. 

Now that I'm preparing publishing, I'm having to navigate time allotment all over again. I'm querying as I can, which requires research of agents and publishing houses to find the right fit as well as the writing and refining of queries, proposals, synopses, etc. I'm also moving forward as if I will independently publish, which looks something like messy exercise in self-branding on top of all the worst stages of the learning curve for things like formatting, ads, and design. It's a challenge to be decisive on things like what the book cover should look like and should there be a forward, preface, or author's note? (probably, but what should it say?). The amorphous work of 'building a platform' and making connections with 'influencers' is easier to execute in passing available moments but more difficult to evaluate return on investment (twitter has me perpetually perplexed). 

All of this sounds a lot like complaint (and maybe feels cathartic to complain about). I am writing about it, though, to give myself permission to take my time. I figured out how to fit writing into my life enough to complete a book. I'm better than I was at working on editing so the book I wrote is actually quite good. And I'll figure out all this other stuff- the putting myself out there part and finding champions and readers and *surely* people who are as moved by reading the book as I was writing, editing, and producing it. 

​Surely.